Mario Kart Wii Players' Page

Heavy Rain

Shadow @ Thursday, March 4th 09:59AM [link]

6 new people joined this week, but without a full set of times, so I'm not even going to bother mentioning them.
A bunch of people got some records that will probably be beaten soon again anyway.
We got rid of a guy because he was cheating, so everyone moved up a bit.
That's it.

Error 8001050F

Shadow @ Monday, March 1st 03:26PM [link]

Registration of trophy information could not be completed. The update will quit.

The Ides of February

Shadow @ Sunday, February 14th 05:39PM [link]

Well I'm not feeling any funnier, but I do feel more awake, and it's important to be awake when you're writing things I find.

New Players
Welcome to: Raphael "Is cool but crude" Lubrano, Marvin "Steven" Eckhardt, Ratiasu "Northern, Eastern, Western" Southern, Kevin "Rick" Coroller

New Records
Only 2 records in the whole of February so far as activity in the higher ranks slows, and both of these were lap times. As a result of this slowdown, our worldwide dominance falls to below 35%.
Max Anossow beat the old N64 DK's Jungle Parkway lap time of 0'42"098 with a time of: 0'42"038
Nick Meade beat his own N64 Bowser's Castle lap time of 0'49"024 with a time of: 0'49"017

Movement
We have a change again at the very top. Nick Meade takes over the #1 spot again, as David goes inactive. Only a single position separates them. 1/64th of an AF point. Anyone beating any of Nick's times will cause a tie for #1 spot and will cause the site to explode in a mushroom cloud of numbers and text. The rest of the top 10 made 10 PRs between them, but it wasn't enough for anyone to move up a spot. The first person to make up some solid ground this week is #13 Mark Schmidt, who passed Brendan and Alvin Le. #17 Mickael Smolen didn't climb this week, but did improve his AF, as he attacked Sherbet Land and made significant gains. He also scared away one of the penguins. #18 Mike Zarro is back this week, as he smashes through the door to the top 20, and knocks a couple of people over who were standing near it. It's Mickael vs Mike next week, as the Penguin intimidator meets the sword.

#25 Tony Ruiz moves a spot closer to #24 Eric Hacksell this update, who also played a little. Both may decide to team up to take out Moseley this week, or turn on each other. #27 Fabien Jacques is creeping up behind both of them, stealthily hiding behind a bush each time they look around. With RVZ in the middle of this encounter, anything could happen. #30 Dustin Enders breaks into the top 30 with healthy dose of 16 PRs.

#39 Sam Hoar plays for the first time in 2010, and passes Bob who was Holden him back. #43 Franco Gubser does 1 better than Sam and passes 2, whilst #49 Henrik Distel breaks into the top 50 and says so Long to David. The last mover in the top 50 is #49 Ricardo Costa. He passed both Both and Doffine. Welcome to our 2 highest new entries to the AF chart this week, #53 Gavin Price and #54 Ross Coleman. They both sent in a full set of times and impress by starting in the top 100. They are now pitted against each other in a lifelong rivalry against each other, because I said so.

#55 Ashley O'Hara played for the first time in a month and got some decent Legend times to add to his collection. Another player back from inactivity is #59 Andrew Tran. Andrew hadn't played since July, but whistled passed Dixie, ate some Ham, and finally beat the Boss. Elsewhere, #67 Salvatore Bellusci improved almost 4 AF points, but gained no positions. Luckily he only needs to gain 1 more to pass a clump of 3 players. Also hoping to pass that clump is #68 Oliver Martin, who had the Will to pass Kristopher and got the Best of Justin. #70 Max Anossow has a great week with a 14 place move. He's definitely living up to his name. Another one on the brink of success is #75 Bastian Brinkmann. His 20 PRs nets him 4 places. #86 Sophie Steiner makes up some lost ground from the few weeks she was inactive, making sure to stay clear of the #100 dropzone for another while. Finally, congratulations to #91 Michael Schnieder who breaks into the top 100 this week with an impressive 41 place move, which is the best move of the update.

Closing in on the top 100 is #104 Michael van der Willick who cuts 2.5 AF points but is still 6 away from his goal. Making a very impressive effort to reach the top 100 is #106 Nicholas Harvey. With 24 PRs, he passed 9 players. Just 6 more to go! Those final 6 are always the most difficult of course. Especially when new people suddenly appear on the AF chart. #116 Fintan Kelly is up 3 spots and is about to take the #1 Irish spot away from Robert Lee who is just 1 ahead of him. Finally, honourable mentions this week to Luke Berrill, Dexter Howe and Adam Gilbert Pelling

See you next time.

Update of magical mystery

Shadow @ Sunday, January 31st 05:05PM [link]

Once upon a time....
New Players
Welcome to: Bastian "will bring you to the" Brinkmann, Jones "Koopa" Caspe, Martin "MR" Reichelt, Bert "and Ernie" Lejeune, Basty "The early bird" Wurmer, Will "Lithium" Linthicum, David "The Elf" Elster, Jonas "Rolling Stone" Moss, Andrew "will make you" Grieve

New Records
Cole Gilbert beat the old Luigi Circuit crs time of 1'09"435 with a time of: 1'09"397
Cookie Sancez beat the old Mushroom Gorge crs time of 0'40"681 with a time of: 0'40"367
Cookie Sancez beat the old Mushroom Gorge lap time of 0'12"009 with a time of: 0'11"953
Lee Duggan beat the old Toad's Factory crs time of 1'51"340 with a time of: 1'51"328
Ethan McCormick tied the old DK's Snowboard Cross lap time of 0'35"697 with a time of: 0'35"697
Nick Meade beat the old Maple Treeway crs time of 2'18"541 with a time of: 2'18"458
Tim Shelbourne beat the old Dry Dry Ruins lap time of 0'33"636 with a time of: 0'33"631
Alex Shoal beat the old DS Desert Hills crs time of 1'35"761 with a time of: 1'35"739
Andy Lundeen beat the old SNES Mario Circuit 3 crs time of 1'18"498 with a time of: 1'18"466
Brandon Sansui beat the old GCN DK Mountain crs time of 2'08"075 with a time of: 1'16"117
Tony Ruiz beat the old GCN DK Mountain lap time of 0'41"367 with a time of: 0'41"356
Cole Gilbert beat the old N64 Bowser's Castle crs time of 2'32"442 with a time of: 2'32"166
Nick Meade beat the old N64 Bowser's Castle lap time of 0'49"060 with a time of: 0'49"024

Movement
Unfortunately there's no magical mystery this week. I did see something move at the bottom of my garden earlier, but it was probably just the neighbours cat though and not elves. It's a nice cat, if a little tame. I once saw a bird taunt it by landing a few feet away and then flying back and forth to either side of it. I think the bird was trying to protect something as it was quite aggitated, and the cat eventually got bored and left. Awesome. Anyway, you don't need me rambling on about nothing. What you need are cool stats.

First cool stat of the week is that both #1 David and #2 Nick would have been champ this update, if the other one hadn't also played. But of course, they both did, so David maintains his slim lead from the previous update. It's still all to play for and I don't think we've seen the end of the battle here. Think world war 2 people. Chamberlain was all "peace in our time", and then one day Poland woke up and Germany was all like "sup", and Poland was all like "uhh". True story. This is what I have read in history books. Anyway, the moral of the story is not to take on Russia, cos it's stupidly cold there and they have a billion million people there.

Um. Everyone in the top 9 stayed exactly where they were last time around, with #4 Marc Bas the only one improving his AF with 10 PRs. Breaking into the top 10 this week is #10 Daniel Anderson, who chose the red pill like his brother. Neo never mentioned having a brother of course, cos he wanted Trinity for himself and Daniel was always stealing his wimminz.

The other people
#11 Jimmy Benson improved yet again and is knocking on the door of the top 10 this update. There isn't actually a door though, and he'll need to get past Neo's brother before he can get there. Sounds like a good movie. Apart from Jimmy, nobody in the 11 to 20 zone passed anyone else, but there were some signs of life with a few PRs thrown in from people.
In the 20s there's a group of players who have all been PRing well. #24 Eric Hacksell had another good week and finishing just a head of #25 Robert van Zanten. Robert, despite being passed, passed Lewis Benny. #26 Tony Ruiz also passed Lewis this week, which makes it a bad week for the former champion. In fact the only person *not* to pass Lewis this week was everyone else, so...yeah..that stat isn't really interesting, so we'll forget I mentioned it. *takes out amnesia revolver* One stat that is interesting though, and which defies the laws of nature themselves, is that even though Lewis didn't play at all..he didn't even look at his Wii, or even think about mariokart, he probably won't even read this update, and he was passed by 3 people. Even though all that happened, he somehow, managed to pass James Pierrepont. Such are the mysteries of the AF chart. Someone else who wants to pass Lewis soon is #29 Fabien Jacques. He moves a place closer, with 14 PRs. I'm getting sleepy so I'm going to write the rest tomorrow. It'll be Groundhog Day then, so I'll have plenty of time to write it.

I'm going to assume that nothing changed overnight and that things don't get too confusing as a result. So after 29th, it stays a bit quiet. An eerie quiet, like people are planning something and you're not invited. The first person to break the silence is #48 Daniel Both. He passes both Daniel Boettcher and Pierre Doffine. #50 Ricardo Costa breaks into the top half of the top 100, with a nice move from #56. 17 PRs for him. #51 Henrik Distel impresses even more with a 10 place move from #61, and netting 24 PRs and 2 butterflies. #58 Tim van Ham makes me hungry, and moves a spot in the right direction. The right direction is upwards. Don't look down. #67 Salvatore Bellusci continues on his way, with a nice 2 spot move, and luckily misses out being flattened by the epic move of the person behind him. That person is #68 Yorick Meeker. Yorick PR'd so much that he probably had to buy a replacement wii. With 57 PRs, Yorick passed a grand total of 98 players. Yeouch. Way to break into the top 100 from nowhere!
Next up is #71 Oliver "Please sir, I want some more" Martin. Oliver twisted past 3 players this update, already making decent progress since his appearance in the last update. Lurking menacingly behind him is #72 Biagio Macula, who stormed past 21 players and kicked them while they were down. That's what people get for standing in his way. #74 Bastian Brinkmann is our highest new entry to the AF chart. It's always impressive when anyone joins in the top 100.

#83 Joseph Knighton decided that he had a greater mission still, and after spending some time with the princess, continued his journey, leaving 2 players in his stead. Someone galloping at a much quicker pace behind him is #84 Max Anossow who somehow managed to get a hold of a horse. He's up all the way from 97th. #93 Alex Vandegrift is further solidifying his footing in the top 100, moving up 2 spots to guarantee his place for at least a few more weeks. Finally, #94 Du Bois once again breaks into the top 100, having slipped out of it a few weeks ago. With a 10 point AF gap to #100, he'll be safe for a while yet too.

When we get to the players outside the top 100, it becomes a little more difficult to maintain your position. New people arriving always tends to obscure upward momentum. #116 Andrew Manning pushed on despite this disadvantage and moved up 4 spots to finish just behind Nicholas Harvey who improved his AF, but dropped a couple of spots. #117 Simon Uldry and #120 Luke Berrill are both new entrants to the AF chart this week, completing their timeset with a full 64 submissions. The more people who do this, the better for the site as a whole. #123 Dexter Howe made great gains on those around him, dispatching 11 players without mercy. Only 1 person from #127 to #187 actually submitted anything this update, making it one of the least active places, and easiest to move up for anyone playing. #188 Adam Gilbert Pelling will hope it stays that way for the next while, as he rises another 11 places, after breaking into the top 200 last update. #201 Michael Rosnitschek finishes tantalizingly close to the top 200, with 34 PRs, and will be hoping to break into it by the next update. The only other 2 players to pass anyone this time out were, #257 Daniel Sampson and #266 David Castaneda. 17 PRs from both of them this time out.

Until next time...!

K.F.C.

Shadow @ Friday, January 15th 10:03AM [link]

Koopa F...ing Cape!
There's a SC that there have been fake youtube videos of for over a year, that someone has claimed to have hit. Unfortunately for now there is no actual proof of anything. Maybe we'll get an answer by the next news update!

New Players
Welcome to: Nick "The Hoff" Hoffmann , Florian "Spiderman" Weber, Torben "In real life" Irle, Adel "More Coffee" Moukafih, Terrence "Terror" Fenner, Dylan "Nick is an imposter" Imhoff, Andre "The Giant" Novak, Joe "The Plumber" Marner

New Records
James Pierrepont beat the old Luigi Circuit crs time of 1'09"477 with a time of: 1'09"435
Cookie Sancez beat the old Mushroom Gorge crs time of 0'41"275 with a time of: 0'40"681
Jazz Ahmed beat the old Koopa Cape crs time of 2'21"624 with a time of: 2'21"553
Mike Zarro beat the old Grumble Volcano crs time of 0'19"891 with a time of: 0'19"845
James Pierrepont beat the old GCN Peach Beach lap time of 0'22"545 with a time of: 0'22"468
Mickael Smolen beat the old GBA Shy Guy Beach lap time of 0'25"514 with a time of: 0'25"405
David McPartland beat the old DS Delfino Square lap time of 0'39"231 with a time of: 0'39"206
Dylan Imhoff beat the old GBA Bowser's Castle 3 crs time of 1'59"742 with a time of: 1'59"217
David McPartland beat the old GBA Bowser's Castle 3 lap time of 0'38"459 with a time of: 0'38"339
Anis Taktak beat the old DS Peach Gardens lap time of 0'38"770 with a time of: 0'38"744

Movement
The big news this update is of course Nick Meade. Nick became the first person in 287 days to beat David and take the #1 crown. The lead was brief as David sent in a few times of his own, and now they are practically even on AF, only separated by 7 positions overall out of all 64 charts. Other people playing could swing this in either person's favour. A butterfly flapping its wings in Australia could...well..it's not going to do much to alter anything, but someone might think it looked pretty, and then what would we do?!? Beware the butterfly apocolypse people!!

Uhh..so that's that. Nick and David weren't the only people sending in times this update. There were 88 other people making promising moves, or promising to make moves, or you know. One of those "you know" people was #10 Tyler McNell. Tyler was on his way to Oz to find a heart as he'd been coldly casting aside so many people on his journey up the chart that people had begun to talk. He saw Ben Hart up ahead, so passed 6 people in one dizzying move to smash into the top 10 and finish right behind him.

Someone in even a bigger hurry than Tyler, is #14 Jimmy Benson. Jimmy PR'd 35 times, and cut 21% of his AF. Having only reached the top 20 in the last update, he's keen to be rid of the teen ranks as quickly as possible. Knocking on the door of the top 20 with his sword is #21 Mike Zarro. Gary Marcoz is standing on the other side of the door, so I wouldn't want to be him right about now. #24 Robert van Zanten continues to make steady progress week in and week out. Not stopping for a rest this update, he's up 3 places.

#26 Eric Hacksell has said goodbye to his partner in crime Enders, and gone his own way past 5 players, although perhaps Pierrepont won't mind dropping a spot having reclaimed his LC WR.#28 Tony Ruiz flexes his muscles as he makes light work of 11 players who may or may not be overweight. Spinach is good. At least this is what I learned from popeye. The 20-30 activity this week was intense to say the least, and breaking into the top 30 is #30 Brandon Sansui whose last name I can't pronounce. It's probably a good thing these news updates are written and not spoken.

Simultaneously breaking into the top 60, top 50 and top 40 this week is #35 Rachel Emerson, who was #107 a very short time ago. This is the biggest single AF cut of the update. I've taken a long time to get to the end of the top 50 writeup, and just by coincidence, the last person I'm going to mention is #46 David Long, who has finished breaking things, and is now on his journey up the chart.

50 to infinity, and beyond
#53 Daniel Pascua didn't much like being pointed out to the vultures last time out, and promptly picked up his pace, passing an even 10 players, and getting quite close to the top 50.
The winner of the "Minimum Effort, Maximum Gain" game this week is #55 Ashley O'Hara, who passed 5 players with just 6 PRs total. The winner of the "I can pass exactly 17 players" game is #56 Ricardo Costa, who finished just 1 spot behind the efficient O'Hara. #60 Henrik Distel is continuing to make great progress having only joined the site a few weeks ago. He breaks the top 60 with a 12 place gain.

#69 Salvatore Bellusci, who has a name like he should be in movies, improved over half his times and is up 7 places. #74 Oliver Martin is the highest new entry to the AF chart this week, so I'm going to go away and try to think of how to make fun of your name in a future update. These are the things we live for! #77 Agustin Berrios is another player who only recently broke into the top 100. He's making sure he stays here for quite some time, by making a nice 15 place move. #85 Joseph Knighton has succeeded in his quest and is now valiantly guarding the king's daughter Sophie in 86th place. You can always rely on a knight!(on). #95 Alex Vandegrift is fighting not to fall out of the top 100 with the fierce competition around. He moves up slightly this week and finds his feet. Finally, two players who broke into the top 100 this update. Congrats go to #97 Max Anossow and #99 Nicholas Telford, who passed 11 and 13 players respectively to get here.

Just cruelly missing out on the top 100 this update is #101 Kjeld van Keulen. It's the single worst position to be in on the chart. Well, it's joint worst with..every position that isn't 1st. Kjeld moves up 9 spots. Moving closer to the top 100 also is #107 Thibaud Bourdeau, who PR'd 18 times and moved up a few spots. Moving up a few spots too is #126 Zack Weber, who is our newest times updater and doesn't afraid of anything.

Relatively new to the chart is #134 Dexter Howe, who makes a great cut of 19 places to keep his momentum going. Another whose momentum is gaining them places is #154 Manuela Perez improving 23 times and passing me. I should probably play again soon. #199 Adam Gilbert Pelling not only has 3 names, but also broke into the top 200 this update. Good luck Adam. It's a hard climb from here to 100! Finally, our last mover is 260 Daniel Sampson, who once again improved exactly half his times to pass 12 players.

Good Karting everyone. I'm going to get some KFC.

Merry Christmas!

Shadow @ Thursday, December 24th 06:34PM [link]

A gift for you this Christmas....a mariokart wii update! So, ok, it may not be a ps4, or an ipod, but it sure beats a lump of coal in your stocking. Unless of course you were really cold and you needed a lump of coal for the fire. Then you're probably thinking "Thanks Shadow, but I can't burn a goddamn news update." I'm going to go and think about what I've done.

New Players
Welcome to: Manuela "Chiquita" Perez, David "I have the same name as Shadow's real life friend" Johnston, Sergio "Robin forgot to add me weeks ago" Borja, Raymond "Leprechaun" Dolan, Carlos "I'm running out of ideas" Fernandez, Noah "Ark" Gordon, Anita "Princess" Prinz, Nicholas "If your car breaks down.. Telford, McHenry "McLovin" Carlson, Austin "Yeah baby, yeah" Moore, Tyler "The first rule of mariokartclub is don't talk about mariokartclub" Martin

I'm going to have to stop doing that. Or start drinking more. Hmmm...

New Records
JC Salamida beat the old Moo Moo Meadows lap time of 0'23"990 with a time of: 0'23"789
Cookie Sancez beat the old Mushroom Gorge lap time of 0'12"200 with a time of: 0'12"009
Leif Leopold beat the old Bowser's Castle lap time of 0'43"095 with a time of: 0'42"897
JC Salamida beat the old N64 Sherbet Land lap time of 0'39"962 with a time of: 0'39"654
Tony Ruiz beat the old GCN Waluigi Stadium lap time of 0'36"078 with a time of: 0'35"952
Aziz Abdullah beat the old GBA Bowser's Castle 3 lap time of 0'38"514 with a time of: 0'38"459
Aziz Abdullah beat the old GCN Mario Circuit lap time of 0'29"014 with a time of: 0'28"863
David McPartland beat the old DS Peach Gardens crs time of 2'00"421 with a time of: 2'00"339
JC Salamida beat the old N64 Bowser's Castle lap time of 0'49"060 with a time of: 0'49"012

Movement

At the top of the charts #1 David McPartland is having a nice Christmas in his log cabin. Not only is he safely in the #1 spot, but he pulled away from the field this week. The field is now very far away and has lots of cows in it, which is secretly his one weakness, but since he lives on top of a mountain, that weakness is a bit Moot.

The rest of the top ten were pretty static apart from a slight upward climb from #8 Cole Gilbert, who'll be hoping not to get any coal this Christmas, unless....well...the reasons I said above. I didn't really go and think about what I did. I never learn. Anyway, Cole got a little closer to the 3 players in a bunch ahead of him. Apart from Cole, the rest totalled just 10 PRs between them but most of them just slept on the slope for a bit.

The people near the base of the mountain were having a bit of a relaxing time too. Maybe spending time watching cheesy Christmas movies instead of the important serious business of mariokarting. I'm presuming that one of them had a portable TV with him. I once saw a movie with Tom Hanks in it from the 80s where he had a TV built into his watch. Nobody believes me, but I saw it, and it was awesome. The watch, not the movie.
So whilst people were distracted, #18 Joe Sebeny took full advantage and PR'd a whole massive twice, to pass Gary. Someone who has forgotten it's Christmas, and was PRing 8 and a half times more than Joe, was #20 Jimmy Benson, who has the same name this week as he did last week, which makes me happy. He moves from the green pastures to the base of the mountain. Good job!

Some say the pasture is the best place to be. It's not as depressing as the wastes. It's not as smelly as the pit. It's not as cold as the mountain. It strikes a nice balance between being good at the game, and not being obsessive with it. And that's all well and good, but nobody remembers the guy who stayed in the pasture when Edmund Hillary climbed Everest. His name was Bob...Bob something or other. So enjoy the sunshine while it lasts, but know that I'm secretly disappointed in you.
One person true to form this week is #27 Robert van Zanten. I told Markus to keep his eyes open in the last update, but Robert got the best of him anyway. However, now a threat to Robert's upward momentum is coming from right behind. #28 Anis Taktak who reversed..uh...the ehmm..let me start that again. #28 Anis Taktak, who turned the tables on Dustin this week, also managed to pass the Markus too and 4 other players. Whilst #32 Dustin Enders did actually move up this week, he was also passed by a very rapidly moving #31 Eric Hacksell, who is either a serial killer, or a salesman, or both! I personally think if he teamed up with Enders, they'd make a good double-act. Hacking, Ending, Dusting, Selling. It could work! #41 Joshua Leutz moved passed Debenest whilst walking backwards this week, which made Emmanuel feel bad about himself. Finally, came a move which can only be described as epic. #44 Brandon Sansui somehow managed to escape the wastes this week, even though he was well behind the valley of vultures when it started. I can only assume he somehow managed to hitch a ride on one of them and fly all the way to the pasture. You'll like it here Brandon. It's nice and warm, and there's a river!

I don't know if they celebrate Christmas in the wastes, but I have a feeling they probably don't. Although if you could catch a vulture it might sort of taste like turkey or something like that. Someone just about escaping from the vultures this week is #61 Justin Best, who passes two dormant players in Pascua and Will and casually points them out to the vultures. Then we have some big news. #68 Rachel Emerson becomes our new female champion with a crazy 39 place move all the way from #107. Good job Rachel! Way to represent!
Someone who has just about started his climb is #72 Henrik Distel, who appeared from nowhere last week through a magic portal of mystery. He obviously forgot to close it after him, because following him this week is, #73 Ricardo Costa, who is our highest new entry to the AF chart. Another person escaping the pit this week is #86 David Lee, who passed 16 players with just 8 PRs, which breaks math. You may need to change your name to Bruce and fight Chuck Norris. Honourable mentions to #92 Agustin Berrios and #95 Luke Glendinningeninning Really? That's the name just just keeps on giving. Anyway, they both moved up some vital spots to keep them out of the pit. The sweet taste of victory goes to #99 Du Bois this week, who proves he's too strong for the pit. And finally, following on his coat tails (what?), is #100 Yannick Wiesner. He does just enough to snatch a top 100 spot. Great work all round people!

The passage of time means nothing for those in the pit. Do they know it's Christmas time at all? No. Not even a nice turkey-vulture to eat in there. Two people keeping their spirits up though are #108 Max Anossow and #109 Thibaud Bourdeau. They both inch their way up the rope this week, ever closer to freedom. Appearing directly on the rope itself is newcomer #112 Nicholas Telford whose portal is clearly messing with him. Everyone not on the rope is wandering mindlessly forward, a bit like lemmings (the pic really looks like lemmings now that I look at it). #124 Tyler Layton is currently searching his lemming backpack for materials to build a bridge straight to the rope, whilst #134 Pierre Ruffin hopes Tyler finishes it before he gets there. #157 Dexter Howe does just enough to keep the rope in sight at the end of the long tunnel, and finally #157 Manuela Perez is another new joiner this week and starts her long journey.

Honourable mentions this week to #208 Michael Rosnitschek and #272 Daniel Sampson, who both improved over half their times. As for everyone else....

thunk fall thunk fall............thunk fall

Shadow @ Tuesday, December 15th 03:37PM [link]

As the time approaches where we start thinking of roasting chestnuts on an open fire, hanging decorations and lights and listening out for the sound of hoofs on the roof, spare a thought for those of us who will be hearing a different sound this Christmas.
*Thunk*....*Fall*

GV2: The Shortening
So about 2 or 3 weeks ago a new shortcut was discovered on Ghost Valley 2. I took a look at a video and thought to myself, "Hah, that looks simple". So I took my copy of mkwii out of the attic (It was actually sitting in a bag under a pile of clothes, but attic sounds cooler), and decided to play for the first time this year. I merrily bopped my head along to the music on the menu screens, and selected GV2. Lights went out..I moved forward a bit....swivelled...boosted/shroomed/wheelied...hit the pole with a *thunk*.......and fell straight down.
After a billion attempts at this with much the same result (sometimes I fell in a different spot), I decided to play the course normally, and actually PR'd on both the flap and 3lap, but no biggie as I'm entrenched a long way into the pit of despair. But to sum up my thoughts on this, getting massive air time off that pole is just not possible, and all the videos I've seen, and the 10 players who have beaten the previous Site Record on this flap are clearly fake, and must be irradicated as soon as possible.

New Players
Welcome to:
Jonas "I just chucked extra letters into my last name" Natanaelsson, Sofie "Winner" Wimmer, Henrik "Vin" Distel, and Brandon "My name started off as one nationality and ended as another" Sansui

New Records
Romain Smadja beat the old Luigi Circuit lap time of 0'21"826 with a time of: 0'21"782
Cookie Sancez beat the old Mushroom Gorge lap time of 0'12"506 with a time of: 0'12"200
Aziz Abdullah beat the old Toad's Factory crs time of 1'51"363 with a time of: 1'51"340
Cole Gilbert beat the old Koopa Cape crs time of 2'21"771 with a time of: 2'21"624
Cole Gilbert beat the old Koopa Cape lap time of 0'44"891 with a time of: 0'44"774
Alex Shoal beat the old Bowser's Castle crs time of 2'12"517 with a time of: 2'12"477
Romain Smadja beat the old GCN Peach Beach lap time of 0'22"556 with a time of: 0'22"545
Romain Smadja beat the old DS Yoshi Falls crs time of 0'59"473 with a time of: 0'59"405
Romain Smadja beat the old DS Yoshi Falls lap time of 0'18"526 with a time of: 0'18"516
Alvin Le beat the old SNES Ghost Valley 2 lap time of 0'16"604 with a time of: 0'15"019
Honourable mentions have to go to the other 9 *thunk* *wheeeee* players who also landed this SC well enough to beat the non-sc WR:
Alex Shoal, Yorick Meeker, Eric Hacksell, Pepotti San, Greg Coffino, Tony Ruiz, Thibaud Bourdeau, Max Anossow, Joshua Reinshagen
Marc Bas beat the old N64 DK's Jungle Parkway lap time of 0'42"231 with a time of: 0'42"098
Romain Smadja beat the old DS Peach Gardens lap time of 0'38"838 with a time of: 0'38"770

Movement
#1 David McPartland didn't move this week. He's sitting at the top of the mountain, sipping some hot beverage. In fact he's been at the top for so long now that he's probably built himself a nice log cabin. I wish I had a log cabin. The 5 players behind him, all played. Unfortunately they played in such a way as to each end up with a worse AF than the last update, although still closer to the cabin. Someone not trying to defy the laws of physics is #8 Cole Gilbert. He played, and shockingly improved his AF too. Up from 11th to return to the top 10 for the first time since...he left it the last time. #9 Ben Hart moved up solidly from 10th, although he'll be a bit miffed to see the guy who was behind him, now in front of him, but at least his AF is better. This brings us back to those 5 from #2 to #6. Like most SC discoveries, anyone who doesn't master it will be subject to natural AF-drift. So for the next while, the field will be subject to GV2-drift. It's interesting to see though, that whilst anyone in the top 200 could theoretically beat the old SR, only 10 people have been able to hit a sweet time. If it was easier, it may have been a contributing factor to a change of Site Champion.

People who can only dream about being Site Champion are those sitting at base camp, looking up at the final climb through the top 10. One of these is #12 Alvin Le. Alvin is our resident GV2 expert, nailing a time just over 15 seconds and making me sad. I fly through the air as gracefully as a brick doesn't. With the aid of his new WR, he moves up from unlucky 13th. Another player on the move is #16 Tyler McNell. #16 Tyler McNell was once known as #21 Tyler McNell, but he didn't much like that. He PR'd like a maniac and moved up 5 spots. Up 2 spots this update is #22 Jimmy Benson. I don't know what Jimmy's real name is. It's changed about 7 times in the last few weeks, and after the incident with Zarro it all got a bit confusing, but Jimmy Benson seems like a good strong name. I might name a kid that someday. Then I'll beat the kid at mariokart and call him other names. Parenthood is probably a bad idea.

I decided this week that I was going to mention everyone who had moved up at least 1 spot on the AF top 100 list, and also everyone with a funny name. Then I thought about it and decided to do only the first one. Also I should point out that the AF chart change column, and my news update are pretty much never from/to the same dates, so if I leave people out, or if you think I have, it's probably just because I hate you. You should start a facebook campaign against me (P.S. Don't do that, or it will make me sad).

Next up is #28 Robert van Zanten. Robert ninja'd his way into the top 30 last update without me noticing and just stealthed passed Fabien Jacques. Markus better keep his eyes open. Last time out #33 Dustin Enders moved to within striking distance of a few players. This time around, he took those players out. And not, like, on a date. I mean in a mafia way. He probably killed them, I mean his name is Enders for crying out loud. It's what he does! Someone currently checking if they're still alive or not is #34 Anis Taktak, whose Taktik was probably to pretend to be dead when Dustin passed him. Anis is up 2 spots this week. #37 Eric Hacksell made a larger cut to his AF than most people above, except for Cole and Tyler, but Tyler was a maniac, and Cole was trying to bring sanity back to physics. Eric won't get a cool nickname this week, but he'll be happy with the 4 place move. Rounding out the top 40 in traditional style is #39 Tony Ruiz. Tony is our highest new entry this week to the AF chart. Good job!

Then for a long time nothing happens, as if the space-time continuum has been shattered a little in this part of the AF chart. Suspicously, the one person able to move in this area is #47 David Long, who broke the top 50 last time out, and has broken the spirits of all those around him currently. It's pretty devious, and nobody has moved out of the wastelands this time around.

Into the wasteland, and although bleak, there is some hope. #59 Ashley O'Hara attempts to go with the wind, like his sister, but it only helps to move him up the one spot. Another player who is just trying his best (hey, I resisted making a hart joke earlier, let me have this), is #62 Justin Best, up another spot this week. #66 Greg Coffino continues his good form moving up a place, but there's a decent gap between him and the next group, and he has to pass through the valley of vultures before he gets there. #72 Salvatore Bellusci is practicing for being in the top 10, by dropping AF points, but he moves up 2 spots this week. #76 Henrik Distel and #77 Brandon Sansui both join the site in the top 100, which is always an impressive feat.

Someone with impressive feet is #86 Joshua Reinshagen. He ran past a full 7 players, and will take out a good few more if he keeps up the pace. Hunting him down is Leslie Wolf. Leslie did a bit of a double act with #89 Joseph Knighton this week by improving his AF, but losing spots. Both are still pointed in the right direction though. Joseph has a lance too. Lastly, congratulations to 2 players climbing out of the pit of despair this week. They are #93 Agustin Berrios and #94 Alex Vandegrift. It may be bleak at the tail-end of the top 100, and there may be vultures up ahead, but damn, it sure doesn't smell too bad.

Sometimes at night, if you listen hard enough, you can make out the wailing coming from the pit of despair. It's a place only spoken of in whispers around campfires late at night. Once the pit has you....
One player has one hand solidly on wasteland soil. His grip is fierce, and he no longer needs the rope for support. #101 Du Bois, who is shedding his "pit" name CousCous now that he smells freedom. He clambered feverishly past 7 players, kicking them as he went by on the rope and watching as 5 others fell from the wasteland into the pit behind him. Someone up to where he was last week is #108 Nicholas Harvey. Nicholas shows no sign of letting up, with a huge 34 PRs last week, he throws in another 27 this week to move up 8 places. Not wanting to be outdone, #109 Max Anossow does something inexplicable, and passes 22 players with 20 PRs. At the bottom of the rope that dangles down to #120, is #117 Andrew Manning, who made an extra effort, by passing 6 players when he saw light from above.
Lastly, forgotten, deep within the hellish tunnels and caverns that sprawl out from the bottom of the pit is the moving blur of #186 Florian Chollet. Florian clearly saw something so terrifying that he wasted no time passing 59 players to get away from it. One can only imagine the horrors that lie beyond....